Monday, September 13, 2010

Learning who I am.

Last night was Twenty20 for Adam and I. (Young adults at our church Koinonia Christian Fellowship) Our Pastor and his wife spoke a message called "Growing Pains" that was a raw testimonial with incredible insights. (In a couple days it should be up on the website www.kcf.org/resources/messages check it out.) Since last night I have been continuing to run the parts of the message through my head to the point where I just feel like I need to write it out in order to really let it sink in. So thank you Paul and Susan for being willing to be real. True leadership isn't showing everyone how on top of life and perfect your response's are.. but being a testimony of how God can work through us when our desire is to serve him and others in the best (sometimes not so graceful) way that we can.

You know it's hard to say where to start... So I guess I just... will.... this is what hit me...

Know what you are about.
What is your purpose?
What do you stand for in life?

It's a humbling moment when you listen to two people who are incredibly passionate talk to a group with such a conviction of what God has called them to be, (NOT DO) but be. What a awe inspiring force to see God work in their lives because they have taken the time to rawly work it out.

Now to state a few of the cliche's just as a precursor... life is a journey and we are all at different stages and different areas of growth in our life and I acknowledge that. But unless we choose to push through the awkwardness and work things out in our mind and in our lives...we will never grow more than our comfortability will allow. So here is my uncomfortability... because I strive to grow and learn more about myself and my reason for God placing me here in this place and time.

So I am a wife, a mom, a daughter, a sister, and a friend. I would like to say that I am a passionate person... that I have strong convictions and a strong belief in God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit... that I am a faithful friend... and a good mom. To be honest though... those are the easy things to spurt out with out much conviction. Which brings up the point again..... who am I really? What has God called me to be?

Know what you are about.
What is your purpose?
What do you stand for in life?


I am a wife. I am committed and passionate to support and love on my husband. I desire to show him that I am beside him consistently, not just when it is easy. I am willing to respect and to follow his leading because I know his heart and desire is to follow God and to love on me and our family. I am committed to bring up awkward conversations and confrontations in order to get better at this thing called marriage. I am PASSIONATE to be an a example of a marriage that works and that is exciting and wonderful and not perfect. :) But in the not perfect it can be incredible also. Hmmmm.... as I am writing... I am realizing that I am totally stirred up about marriage. I AM PASSIONATE ABOUT MARRIAGE and doing it right. (and the learning of how to do it right!!!!)


I am a mom. I am committed and passionate to raise up my girls in the season that God has given me, to see them become incredibly purposeful adults who's lives radiate with love for others in whatever way God has gifted them. I want to see them bold and confident. I desire for God's love to shine through them making them beautiful on the outside and also beautiful to the core. I desire for their lives to be an incredible testimony. I am passionate about raising them to be launched from our home out to be truly great women in the world, in their homes and in their career......As I am writing this.. I am feeling... very young... unseasoned, new. (which.. is probably because all my girls are still under the age of 6) So my convictions come out of the need to continue to learn desperately and grow in how to become a mom who is able to raise my girls in a way that has an incredible outcome. I choose to be vulnerable in order to become better at parenting.

...as I am working things out in my mind I am realizing that I am PASSIONATE about transitions... which is why I think love serving in Twenty20. I love being able to help those just exiting high school... and into either college or university, career or marriage. I love the fact that during transitions times can be moments of raw humility that can bring incredible insight and change to become amazing people. I love being able to be a part of that anyway that I can.

.... WOW... there is still so much I can continue on about... and I am going to... but I am still a mom... at home... and my moment of reflection is coming to an end and we are heading into lunch time... LOL.

.... I encourage anyone who is reading to ask yourself those three points and to truly take the time to reflect and come to a conclusion. (which I am still doing... obviously.. can't wait to spend some time with Adam to chat about this stuff too.) We all want to make a difference in this world. But without the clarity of knowing who you are and what you stand for... it's hard to reach our full potential. We can choose to try to figure it out on our own or we can go to God and ask him to stir our lives to find out what our passions are. God has a greater plan for our lives than we can even create in ourselves.


Know what you are about.
What is your purpose?
What do you stand for in life?

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Reflections in the moment.

As a mom I have so many moments where I sit back and just listen to the wonder that God has blessed me with. My children. And in that moment I am amazed at how many things God can show me about real life and his heart for HIS children.

Today I am listening to my girls play in the back room. Their little voices masked in all sorts of different characters makes me giggle and enjoy them even more. They are such happy little girls. I love that the greatest challenges that they need to face right now is deciding how to treat each other with kindness, to share and to include each other in what they are doing.

Being their mom, I try to take the opportunities that I can to teach them in moments of either silly or deliberate choice or unfortunately sad or heartbreaking situation, to make the best decision to handle each problem. No matter what has happened my heart is to be there for them and help them get through it, whether or not it was created by their own demise. The challenge for me as a mom is to allow those moments where they have made a bad decision effect them in a negative way(which creates a positive outcome) in order to learn from the experience and not just remove them from it. I want them to become radiant women who learn with grace through all circumstances.

I love that God does that for us all the time. That he doesn't just merly remove us from circumstances but gives us the grace and ability to go through it in order to learn and become a better person. To become someone who shines with a "joy" even though things seem to be difficult.

As I am reflecting through the years of moments where God has allowed me to go through something, I am realizing how different each out come is depending on where my heart has been positioned to react out of. In a bad decision I have chosen to harden my heart and unfortunately I have found myself in that same lesson again and again until I have humbled myself and allowed God to challenge my motives and actions. I am also reminded of hard experience where I have chosen to be negative and had a unbelievably hard time getting through it. Then another heartbreaking time when I just relaxed and allowed the Holy Spirit to move in my life and it end up being one of the most beautiful experiences of God's love and grace on my life that I have ever had up to this point.

Life truly is unpredictable. And we all make silly decisions at times. I am reminded in this moment of looking at a practical example, how important it is to be prepared to react in humility, grace and joy in all situations. Just like I am trying teaching my children to do. The more I read about how to be a good parent the more I realize that the #1 thing to do is to set the example by my actions. Show them how to live and how to react by how I live and react.